Why Emotional Intelligence Deserves More Attention Than IQ

By Kavitha Shyam

Recently, I picked up the book "Emotional Intelligence : Why It can matter more than IQ" by Daniel Goleman. I expected it to be insightful—but I didn’t expect it to linger in my thoughts the way it has. As both a psychologist and a mother, it has made me reflect on how much emphasis we place on IQ—grades, scores, academic brilliance—while we barely acknowledge EQ, which often makes the real difference in how we live, love, and lead.

I started noticing the small moments. My younger daughter calming herself before an exam. A client choosing to walk away from a heated argument instead of escalating it. A couple learning to listen without defensiveness. These are not acts of intelligence in the traditional sense—but they are deeply intelligent.

So, What Exactly Is EQ?

Emotional Intelligence is the ability to:

• Understand and manage your own emotions

• Recognize and respond to the emotions of others

    It’s what helps a teenager handle peer pressure without losing themselves.
    It’s what keeps a parent from snapping at the end of a tiring day.
    It’s what allows a professional to give feedback with sensitivity.

  In short, EQ shows up every single day—in quiet but powerful ways.

 The Five Key Abilities That Define EQ

 Psychologist Daniel Goleman outlines five elements that form the foundation of EQ:

• Self-Awareness – The ability to recognize what you’re feeling and why

• Self-Regulation – Staying in control when emotions run high

• Motivation – The inner drive to grow, despite setbacks

• Empathy – Tuning into what others are feeling

• Social Skills – Communicating, resolving conflict, and connecting well with others

These aren’t just workplace skills or therapy goals—they’re what make us better parents, partners, friends, and leaders.

Why EQ May Matter More Than IQ

IQ might help you solve equations, but EQ helps you solve life. I’ve seen highly intelligent individuals struggle with relationships, stress, or leadership because they lacked emotional self-awareness.

Meanwhile, clients with average IQs but strong emotional skills often build healthier families, happier work lives, and more resilient minds.

As I tell parents in therapy: IQ may get your child through school—but EQ will get them through life.

Can We Develop EQ?

Thankfully, yes.

Unlike IQ, which is mostly fixed, EQ can grow. Every day gives us a chance to practice:

• Naming our emotions: “I’m not angry—I’m disappointed.”

• Pausing before reacting—especially with children.

• Listening to understand, not just to respond.

• Teaching kids the language of feelings, like “frustrated,” “proud,” or “worried.”

 These small shifts create lasting change.

A Personal Note

As a mother of two girls—one in psychology and one in high school—I’ve seen how learning to identify and express emotions helps them become more confident and connected.

And as a therapist, I’ve watched clients grow simply by learning to notice their emotional patterns and respond differently.

It’s powerful. It’s possible. It’s life-changing.

What If We Redefined Success?

What if we celebrated not just top marks, but the ability to apologize after a fight?
What if we taught our children to express disappointment instead of bottling it up?
What if empathy, resilience, and compassion were part of our report cards?

Because when we nurture emotional intelligence, we’re not just raising smart children—we’re raising kind, grounded, and emotionally healthy humans.

📩 If you’d like to build EQ in your own life—or in your child’s—I’d love to connect.

Written by Kavitha Shyam Sreedhar
Clinical Psychologist & Hypnotherapist
Founder, Iyashi Wellness
Helping individuals find clarity, balance, and emotional strength.

🌸 If this resonated with you or someone you care about, feel free to reach out. I’m here to listen.

   Explore more at www.iyashi.space